A Pastoral Reflection on Perfection

The sin of perfectionism and comparison is deeply ingrained and often glorified in American culture. Everybody wants to be perfect in every way - the perfect Instagram picture, perfect hair, perfect body, perfect marriage, perfect family, and so on. In today's digital age, constant exposure to seemingly perfect lives on platforms like Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok puts an immense emphasis on unrealistic standards of beauty, success, and happiness while leaving many young people feeling inadequate and unfulfilled. The pressures of perfectionism have become so overwhelming for many young people that we now see more and more teens struggling with thoughts of hurting themselves, more children struggling with depression, and more adolescent persons suffocating and drowning in anxiety. Some people in certain Christian groups even think that to be a faithful Christian, you have to be perfect and blemishless. They believe that once we're baptized, we should never sin again. They think believers can become completely perfect in every way. But this is a lie. But perfection is impossible to achieve, so it should never be our goal as humans. Perfection is an illusion that deceives us into believing there is an ultimate state of flawlessness that we should strive for. Don’t allow anyone to tell you you must be perfect to be loved; God never required perfection. You only need to be yourself! Learn to see your imperfections as indications of your uniqueness and learn how to extend grace to yourselves and others because flawless achievements or unblemished records do not measure true success. Instead, true success is measured by your impact on the lives of those around you and the compassion you bring to a world yearning for authenticity. We are God's wonderful creation, and God did not create us and then say, but I will dismiss you, I won't love you, I won't use you to help the world if you have a disability. None of us has value in God's sight for what we can accomplish or how well we perform.  God loves us because he has made us; we are marked with his image.  Grace is our birthmark. And when we see each individual as made in the image of God, we see the things that are true, noble, pure, lovely, and admirable in the person and focus on those things first. People see their brokenness rather than what is praiseworthy. We love to see what a person cannot do rather than what they can do. We love to see what is marred rather than what is beautiful.  When we see people as made in the image of God FIRST, then our posture and attitudes will be different.  We will see each person's unique gifts and perspectives whether or not they live with disabilities. We won't make assumptions about people, prejudge people, or stereotype people.  We will make appropriate adaptations so that each person can fully participate in the life of the church. As a young child, I always had difficulty learning to read.  My grandparents, who raised me, tried everything, tutors and Hooked on Phonics, and none of it ever worked. It was not until third or fourth grade that I started even to be able to call out words.  I noticed that throughout high school and college, I could speak and perform words but couldn't comprehend them.  It took a lot of work to pay attention in class.  I was accepted into college on academic probation because my SAT and ACT scores were so low.  But the first thing that my grandparents taught me was that  THE SKY IS STILL THE LIMIT FOR YOU; YOU JUST HAVE TO THINK BIGGER!  Nothing is impossible with GOD! In my first year of class at Harvard Divinity School, I noticed that my problem had worsened.  I had not outrun it in college.  I worked hard at Harvard in seminary. I wasn’t partying. I wasn’t hanging out with a fraternity—every day, when not in class, I was writing or studying. When not sleeping, I was studying.  I read all the books and articles.  A teacher said she thought I should talk to someone in Disability Services.  In my mind, I could hear my grandmother saying, as she had said all my life, don't go to any of those offices, they will label you, and you will never escape the labels. But I went to Harvard Disability Services anyway and met a man named Tim Welsky. Mr. Welsky got Harvard to pay for me to be examined by a neuropsychologist.  That neuropsychologist was Cheryl Winestein.  She gave me a diagnosis.  She said I had learning differences and that with the learning differences I had came: reduced academic fluency, auditory processing disorder, and ADHD.  Then she said, "I don't understand how you have gotten this far and how you preach sermons from manuscripts.  You figured out how to phonically perform words, and then you figured out what they meant.  You created your own way out of it. I don't see you having any problems in life, and we need to do a case study on you; you need to give talks; you will inspire children. All of what she said sounded great, but I told her, my issue is I can't pass the GRE; I want to get a PH.D.  This woman sent a letter on my behalf and said that with my learning disorders, I should be able to opt out of having to take the GRE.  At first, BU said no and then said, go through another Masters program and write a paper, and then we might let you in.  I wrote the paper, and they let me into the Ph.D. program.  And now, when I find time, I teach at that school.  And for every young person in elementary school, high school, or on their way to college, the SKY IS THE LIMIT FOR YOU TOO. It's ok if you do poorly on ACTs, SATs, or GREs.  Your brain is still working well.  You will overcome any disability or difficulty. Don't ever let anyone tell you differently.  Our differences should make us thankful, grateful, excited, and motivated to do the work of the Lord! GOD IS IN YOU!  AND GREATER IS THE GOD who is in you than the shame hurled by the world.